Senegal Reflections 3: A male couple in a Muslim place

Was it safe?

Both my husband and I had different reactions to being a same-sex couple in a country that is 97% Muslim. In general, we felt mostly safe within the confines of our focused schedule, but we prepared. We entered our hotel separately; if questioned, our son was to be “his” son alone; and we planned to remove our wedding rings, which we forgot to do. We withheld any PDA’s, even very casual, and kept to our own personal spaces in public. The heat and humidity ensured that! Our relationship, or more specifically my relationship to our son, who referred to me in the 3rd person as “Uncle”, was questioned only once, and that by our travel guide who wasn’t so much suspicious as confused about there being even potential for inter-racial dynamics of any kind in a single family.

In general Dakar is a very safe place for a city of 2 million, no matter one’s orientation. Although there are mosques and periodic broadcasts of calls-to-prayer over portable radios, the Muslim influence was not highly dominant; it is there if you look for it. Mosques were not a dominant form in the city fabric, a stark contrast to churches in many cities and small towns in Christian societies. In many ways it felt similar to Utah, where the Mormon influence might be prevalent but doesn’t dominate one’s senses or interactions, at least on the surface.

Alcohol is readily available in Dakar supermarkets and restaurants, and smoking of nicotine and other drugs is commonplace in houkas on the beach and at informal outdoor social gatherings. Female fashion ranged from concealing all hair and skin outside of hands and face – for perhaps 5% of those we encountered – to West African garments and more western style dresses, shorts, and t-shirts. How much of this body covering is for religion, fashion, or simply comfort in the heat was impossible to tell. Modesty for women and girls was required at mosques and was generally honoured elsewhere, but one had to look to notice it.

A major attraction in Dakar is the African Renaissance Monument (below), a great source of African pride. It features an “immodestly” clothed woman (we had a debate about whether a breast was exposed but decided it was actually covered) next to a muscular shirtless male. There were many visitors from Dakar or perhaps elsewhere in Senegal or nearby countries. Some were women and girls dressed as though they were going to a Mosque. We noticed several men who strongly presented as gay and seemed in no way to be attempting to hide their natural selves. In a word, we found things tolerant; in four words, don’t ask don’t tell.

Upon reflection, it felt very similar to when we lived in Texas, and not just the heat. For nearly all the years we spent there, we lived in semi-secret for fear of rejection, loss of employment and housing, and debated calling the police for anything that would draw attention to our living arrangements – such as reporting neighborhood issues of disorderly conduct or theft. Hovering over us was the constant awareness that we could be arrested for loving each other, in clear violation of Texas law. This had the very public and explicit support of then Governors George W. Bush and Rick Perry until the Supreme Court invalidated the law in 2003 and the men arrested were finally exonerated - and we could relax just a little bit.

Our safety as a couple was no doubt inseparable from our male privilege in a very gender role-dominant society which manifested itself in the very ease we have to travel without familial or spousal permission and supervision.

For me, straddling between two worlds – where I expect the people I meet to not be comfortable with, or welcoming of, my true personal self – has been my normal for my entire adult life. For my husband, this was something he was not comfortable re-living, even so far from our home.

Chris' thoughts on this are linked here.

Yes, Senegal was safe, for us a male couple and as tourists in a big city. We saw no evidence of crime, violence, or weapons of any kind; the few police we saw appeared friendly and engaged in their community; and we were asked if the daily mass shootings in the USA could possibly be true. We did not feel threatened.

More to follow.

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